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Either you think, or else others have to think for you and take power from you, pervert and discipline your natural tastes, civilize and sterilize you.
-F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Wuxi skyline ^
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For many, the city is a place of expressivity. It is a world in which they can open themselves up for the world to see, where they will be accepted by some community in this huge place.
I find the opposite to be true…in my case.
I am not so unique that I will shine brilliantly in the presence of millions.
The city is a reminder that I am unoriginal. It is a reminder that my thoughts have most likely already come to mind in someone else. The city swallows me up, and I lose respect not only for myself but for everyone else too. I am pushed aside, honked at, and moved out of the way as needed by everyone else. To push back, to honk back, to move someone else out of the way is to disregard whatever it is they are on their way to do. In the city, I turn into an entirely different person. I turn into a monster. Impatient and short, I can no longer appreciate that which is good around me. People I love, hobbies I enjoy, they would all suffer around me if I in fact remained here for an extended amount of time. It hasn’t even been a week, and I can already see myself becoming someone I do not like.
I will be here four more weeks.
"I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked,
dragging themselves through the negro streets at dawn looking for an angry fix,
angelheaded hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of night,
who poverty and tatters and hollow-eyed and high sat up smoking in the supernatural darkness of cold-water flats floating across the tops of cities contemplating jazz…"
Ginsburg
Relationships are all ticking timebombs. Eventually, we will all find something in someone that we cannot abide by.